I hate making art

 I hate making art. 

I haven't finnished a piece in...two, maybe three years? I have four unfinnished paintings stacked in front of eachother against the wall in my creative space. I just declutterd the room and I nearly threw them all away. It has felt like I don't have anything to say anymore.
Maybe I'm out of stuff to say though art. Or that's what the depression and hypomania keeps telling me.

unfinnished pieces stacked in front of eachother

one unfinnished piece that I hung for some reason

 

I HAVE been sewing, and you could, if you squinted, think of that as art. I sew my own clothing, inspired by 1890's fashion and I wear them on a dayly basis. I feel good in these clothes and at this point, I don't think I'll ever go back to modern fast fashion (or jeans) ever again. 

I recently found my old art journal (annother thing that turned up while decluttering) and slowly started to do some spreads in it, four years since the last one. (More on that in a later post, I think.) It feels very...sluggish, like wading though syrup.

After aquiering (despite my husband's insistant talk about how apple is satan) an iPad, I started to play around with procreate, and it is really fun. But it feels like cheating. I'm not going to say that it IS cheating, but it certainly feels that way: something about using ready made brushes wakes up a small voice in the back of my head telling me it's not really me making the art. I think the voice belongs to one of my art teachers from many years ago and I should know better than to listen to them.

Anyway; my one and only resolution for 2022 is to find my artsyness again, and to feel content with it when I find it. It feels like it will be quite a journey, and I would like for you to come along.